To live in the past is to be limited by the past
Move on
Something I shouldn’t have “learned” at school
When I was young I attended a school in the north of England. I’m not sure if the system is the same now (it’s been a long time since I was at school), but the school in question was attended by pretty much everyone within a certain catchment zone. That means we had some very talented, hard working students that attended the school alongside some of the, let’s say less talented and less hardworking individuals that lived close enough to the school.
The first few years at that school had everyone in the same classes before eventually everyone was put into sets based on how hard they worked at subjects. I will however say that some of my formative years in these mixed classes ended up teaching me some things that it would have been better if I didn’t learn.
I was quite fond of science at school but I really did not like to study “modern foreign languages.” I was obliged to learn French but I was absolutely not very good at it. But one of the possible reasons I was not very good at it was that some of the people I was obliged to be in class with appear to have only recently evolved the ability to walk upright.
Looking back I feel sorry for my French teacher. People in that class had absolutely zero interest in learning the language unless they could say something ridiculous. As soon as the class learned the word cucumber (concombre) for some reason the French teacher’s name became Madame Concombre, and beyond that the most frequently spoken French phrase in the class was people just shouting out “où est la bog” (bog being a crude way to refer to ‘toilet’ in northern English).
I think I studied French at school for two or three years. I didn’t particularly enjoy it, and I was not good at it, but despite that I was in one of the top sets (higher level classes) for French. (That speaks more towards how disruptive everyone else was rather than any particular skill or talent on my part).
Because of this I spent a long time convinced that I did not like foreign languages and that learning foreign languages was a weak point mine.
That may have been true at the time…but is it true now?
Change and overcome
I moved to Japan in 2006. It was my intention to study a little bit of the spoken language in order to get by and not even try learning the complex writing systems. I went in with that attitude because I had it in my head that I was “not good at languages.”
The reality of the situation however was quite different. Within one month of moving to Japan I memorized ひらがな (hiragana) and カタカナ (katakana) and was in the process of copying text books word for word into notebooks. I was studying traditional karate at the time and although my instructor spoke English, he spoke as little English as possible to me in order to make me learn. In a few months I was having conversations and after 4 years of dedicated study I passed the 日本語能力試験 (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) N2 (second highest level).
It turns out that just because I did not like French in school it didn’t mean that I was incapable of learning foreign languages. I perhaps just needed the correct environment and motivation to get it done.
Self-talk and self-actualization
One of the things that has really helped me focus on goals better in my life was something that was written in Atomic Habits by James Clear. In Atomic Habits there is a section about talking yourself into making goals happen.
If you “are a smoker” and you tell people that you are “trying to quit” smoking, that is far less powerful self-talk than simply saying, “I’m not a smoker.” This comes in other forms as well.
This seems a bit of a strange thing to say when you consider my running record, but for a long time I was not sure if I could really say “I’m a marathon runner” or “I’m an ultra runner.” Even after completing a marathon for the first time I was reluctant to say, “I’m a marathon runner” because I had literally only done it once. Same with ultras. Now I have a rack covered in medals and I have no problem with saying I’m an ultra runner. So far, I have only run 100 miles once, but I am happy to call myself a “miler” or “100 mile runner” because I have done it, and I don’t see the point of negative self-talk these days.
If you want to become something, the best thing you can do is confidently tell yourself that you are something. Once you’ve run even one marathon, you are a marathon runner. If you are trying to quit smoking, you are not a smoker. Even if you have a cigarette in a moment of weakness that you regret, if you immediately go back to saying, “I’m not a smoker,” you are much more likely to actualize the goal.
Don’t be limited by the past
You will be a different person tomorrow than you are today. Even if that change is minimal, it’s still a change. I as of writing this, I have 137 posts on my Substack. Once this goes online, I’ll have 138. That’s a very small change but it’s another article in my “portfolio” no matter how insignificant my little blog is.
I was convinced for a very long time that I was not good at French and I did no like French. You could call this a limitation, but I have never really had the opportunity to speak French. However, I am recently traveling a lot more, and in the coming weeks it looks like I will need to spend a bit of time in France.
Because the French language has always been a bit of an adversary in my mind, I decided to take the opportunity (since I’m going to France anyway) to take another look at the French language. I recently downloaded a language course called Learn French with Paul Noble and I have been doing the course while I’ve been out jogging (I wouldn’t be able to do it on intense runs).
So now I’m at the point where I’ve gone from thinking to myself that I don’t like French and that I’m bad at French into someone who is now jogging around the park mumbling to himself in French. Am I good at it? I don’t know. But hopefully I will be able to have a nicer time in France when I am there and I do now feel like I have broken down an old barrier. Because the, “I don’t like French and I’m not good at French,” is someone that used to exist. I could let that limit me, or I can take on a new attitude of, “I quite like French and I speak a bit of French.” That’s much better, and much less limiting.
Final thoughts and take home messages
I don’t think living in the past is a good idea. You can remember the past and learn from the past, but the past is no longer a real place. I’ve moved on. I’m not a school kid anymore and I’m not bound by whatever went on at school.
Self-talk will help you self-actualize. If you, “jog a bit,” you are a runner. Don’t sell yourself short by talking yourself down. You will improve much more if you embrace what you want to be instead of trying to downplay it.
And absolutely do not let your past limit you. Saying you used to be weak, or dumb, or slow, doesn’t mean you are weak, or dumb, or slow now. It’s ok to remember a time when you were no good at something. That was your starting point. But the only person stopping you from moving on from that starting point is yourself. Don’t do it.
Let yourself flourish.
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